Today Was A Good Day

Good news! Great news! Tears of joy news! I got the results from my scan today and everything has SHRUNK! The main tumor in my right breast has shrunk by more than 50%, all of my affected lymph nodes have shrunk to various degrees, the lesions in my liver have all shrunk and the lesions on my spine shrunk so much that they weren’t even mentioned in the report. My Oncologist said its likely because they are too small to even be detected! I was too afraid to get my hopes up, but today has proven that the treatment and the prayers are working. For the first time in months, I feel like I can breathe a little easier.

I’ll be honest, scanxiety (scan anxiety) is real. The closer I got to getting the scan results, the more worried I got, too. I haven’t been sleeping at night, I’ve barely been eating. Going to the gym in the morning is basically the only productive thing I’ve been doing. I may also have been getting a little grumpy. Maybe. It’s a tough thing to deal with…waiting around to get results about the cancer that has invaded my body that I have been enduring chemo to try to get rid of. The stress wreaks havoc on me. I actually forgot to put on deodorant this morning. And I was stress-sweating. That’s a thing. So, while I’m sitting in my Oncologist’s office not speaking, freaking out and with my stomach in knots, I’m having to use tissues to pat my underarms so that nobody is repulsed by me. Yeah. Because having cancer isn’t enough to deal with. But then, my Oncologist and his Resident (thanks for the lingo, Grey’s Anatomy) come in the room clapping and snapping with huge smiles on their faces! I really felt the weight lift off me. And I got to see my husband truly happy. And I got to hear my mom cry tears of joy. Amazing.

With all that being said and no matter how happy I am, I still have a long road ahead of me. I’ll have two more rounds of chemo and another scan after those. If, and hopefully when, those scans come back with equally good news, I will be able to drop the chemo and just continue with the other two infusion drugs. Those, along with scans every three months, will continue for the rest of my life. But you know what? I’m ok with that. If it means my cancer remains dormant rather than active, I will do whatever it is I have to do. I will never not have cancer, but I can still have a normal life. A new normal. But still. So now, I can rest a little easier until my next scan. Well, if I’m being honest, until the week of and/or before my next scan. Because the hope that I’ve been so afraid to cling to has been restored with the good news I got today. I now have hope that a kind of “remission” is actually possible. My goal is NED. No Evidence of Disease. It may not happen with these last two rounds of chemo. I may have to do more. But at least for now I can have a positive outlook.

I want to thank everyone for all of the continued thoughts and prayers. I truly believe it is making a difference. I also want to especially thank my college friend Stephanie and the rest of my AOPi Sisters. So unexpectedly they raised money for me, which was a huge help, and Stephanie personally delivered it along with roses and a gift bag full of all kinds of goodies to help me through chemo. I was shocked and touched beyond belief. Ladies I haven’t spoken to in years, and some I haven’t even met, wanted to do something for me out of Sisterhood. I don’t know who all donated, but I hope you all read this so you know how grateful I am.

Today was a good day. Thanks, Ice Cube.